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Dec 09 2011And This Christmas…

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“Hang all the mistletoe, I’m gonna get to know you better…”

Nothing starts my Christmas like Donny Hathaway’s velvet-voiced “This Christmas.” A beloved song since my childhood, it reminds me of tossing and turning with anticipation in my bed until I could finally run to the tree at 6 in morning to see what my parents Santa brought me. Seeing that new Cabbage Patch doll or Fisher-Price tape recorder brought me endless amounts of joy that day, as well as the joy of being with family.

Anyone who’s seen their mother jam out and get “happy” while listening to The Temptations while wrapping gifts hasn’t lived. Ahh, memories.

Now, as an adult, Christmas songs take on a whole new meaning for me. The fact that my father passed only six days before the holiday a couple years ago, I can’t say there aren’t some that don’t make me cry, wishing he were here. Mariah’s “Most You Most (At Christmas Time)” gets me every time.

“Every other season comes along, and I’m all right. But then I miss you most at Christmas time.”

But I’m choosing to focus on the magic that is a well-sung carol. Holiday songs bring love and a certain hopefulness with them, that it’s hard not to get into the spirit. Some of my favorites:

  • This Christmas – Donny Hathaway
  • All I Want for Christmas is You– Mariah Carey (Kill Justin Bieber for his remake.)
  • Silent Night – The Temptations
  • Let it Snow– Boyz II Men
  • Angels We Have Heard on High– Christina Aguilera
  • Every Year, Every Christmas– Luther Vandross
  • Santa Claus is Coming to Town – The Jackson Five
  • What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas – The Emotions (for you :-) )
  • Christmas just Ain’t Christmas – The O’Jays
  • Joy to the World– Mariah Carey
  • Santa Baby– Eartha Kitt
  • Honorable Mention: 8 Days of Christmas – Destiny’s Child

When I play these songs, and dreams of family, love, laughter, food, and gifts dance in my head.  I feel this Christmas will be no different.

Enjoy these Xmas gems.

 

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Category(s): Music & Movies

Oct 09 2011Memoirs of a Borders (Books)

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Several weeks ago, my favorite bookseller in the entire world closed.

Borders Books was my sanctuary, my home away from home. I spent many weekend mornings there, camped out in the cafe with my laptop, iPod, a stack of magazines and the current book I was reading.

It was where I went after a long day at work to fondle the new arrivals and graze the African-American fiction section.

It also helped me to mull over writing and ideas at times when I needed peace but desired to have the comfort of people around.

The people-watching factor was another advantage, seeing folks of all ages share the same love for books (or free reading) like I did.

Not to mention the pastries and frozen drinks were delish.

Even though the demise of Borders had long been predicted, the closing of its doors still hurt. The only big-chain book franchises left here are Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million (which, by the way, I’m surprised outlasted Borders). Of the two, I don’t have a definite favorite. Both are no Borders Books, and there several reasons why:

Barnes & Noble (BN) and Books-A-Million (BAM) are on other side of town ? The Borders I visited was only 5 minutes from my job and 5 minutes from my house. Being Housed in an oh-so-convenient location was the best. It was so easy to swing in, do some browsing, and know I would be home like that *snaps fingers* with my new book. The “other” stores are much further away, and popping in after work is no longer a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am experience for me. So my weekend sessions have been few and far in between.

BN doesn’t have a dedicated African-American section ? Though racial segregation ended about 50 years ago, I’d prefer my books to live in the past and be separate but equal. Having a dedicated African-American section makes things easier to find and easier to riffle through, in that I can see E. Lynn Harris hanging out with Zora Neale Hurston without worrying about Ernest Hemingway getting in between. Also, by not having a dedicated Af-Am section, it also camouflages the fact that our titles aren’t plentiful in these stores.

BN and BAM don’t have the same ambience ? I’ve had my laptop in both places. Neither felt like Borders. I mean, BN comes close, with its free wi-fi and addictive Starbucks cocktails, but there are no windows in the cafe. Borders had these big picture windows at the back of the cafe that people coveted for the view (and also because of the precious electrical outlets). I can’t gaze at the sky like I did at Borders, a lovely inspiration and distraction to my writing. And BAM, *sigh*, doesn’t have free wi-fi unless you’re a member of its pricey discount membership club.

Neither stores sell Curve magazine ? Where they do that at? Apparently at BN and BAM. Not selling the ever-popular lesbian magazine Curve hurts my heart. Last time I checked, I didn’t spy too many gay and lesbian mags around, which I love to peruse at my leisure. I need BN and BAM to get it together.

Speaking of ?family? reads, BN and BAM’s gay/lesbian section sucks ? Though both have dedicated sections, neither of them have the greatest selections. Mostly it’s old stuff, and things I’m not interested in reading. Borders gay/lesbian section wasn’t extremely big, but it had better titles that I didn’t look like they had been sitting there since the store first opened its doors, pages all yellowed and dusty.

So, with all that being said, I need to find a book home. The only other option is I’ve found is the public library, which does have picture windows and free wi-fi, but the rambunctious kids checking constantly their facebook pages ruin the mood. I’ll visit BN again, which really does try, bless its Starbucks heart.

Anybody got gas money?

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Category(s): Books...One of My Passions

Sep 16 2011Friday Euphony: You Don’t Know My Name – Alicia Keys

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This song ran across my mind this morning, Li Li’s raspy voice all up in my ear. Stud smoothness at its best. Enjoy!

And you always order the special…with the hot chocolate. And my manager be trippin’ and stuff, talking bout we gotta use water, but I always use some milk and cream for you…cause…I think you’re kinda sweet.

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Category(s): Friday Euphony

Sep 09 2011Diary of a Mad Black Lesbian: The Company You Keep

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imageThe headline in my local newspaper caught my attention, but what saddened me were the circumstances: a Florida A&M University female basketball player was murdered by her lover over Labor Day weekend. The couple, who had been in a three-year relationship, had been fighting all day, and eventually tempers escalated to the point where Shannon Washington found herself stabbed in the neck by Starquineshia Palmer. She later succumbed to her injuries. 

Both women were only 20 years old. Shannon, an an All-American honors player from Illinois Valley Community College, had just transferred to FAMU when the fall semester began only two weeks before. Starquineshia was visiting for the weekend with plans to eventually be with Shannon.

It hurts my heart that this deadly incident occurred, more so in my hometown. The fact that this was a young woman in her prime, poised to be shooting guard at her new school, has been taken away…and at the hands of the woman who loved her. Why this had to happen is what I want to know?
From the newspaper articles I’ve read, the pair had more than a tumultuous relationship. If Shannon could have foreseen the night she died, would she have ended the relationship earlier? Or would she have stayed with Starquineshia, never believing that her girlfriend would put her life at risk? 
Shannon Washington

Maybe. Maybe not. According to what Starquineshia told police Washington choked her several times and antagonized her by saying, “If you’re going to do it, just do it. Both of us are going to die tonight.”

And Starquineshia knew what she was going to do, allegedly calling her mother to ask if she would take care of her two children prior to killing her girlfriend. 

This violence has to stop. About 25-33 percent of same-sex relationships experience domestic abuse. Being in an affair where there’s frequent violence can only lead to heartbreak and tragedy. Now a mother has to travel 283 miles from Sarasota to say goodbye – not to see her daughter win her first game. 

If you’re in a similar situation, please get out.

No one, whether in a gay or straight relationship, should have to endure abuse – whether physical, verbal or emotional. 

Easier said than done, I know. 

Gay and lesbian  couples sometimes often find themselves between a rock and a hard place when the abuse begins, not wanting to speak out because of their family’s rejection of the relationship or, worse, if their families don’t even know they’re together. Along with the breakdown of one’s psyche and self-esteem, it also creates a dependency that makes her cling to a partner more than she would normally. 

But again, if you’re in a similar situation, make a plan and find a safe way to leave.

Shannon’s murder should teach us that life is precious and should be surrounded by a partner who loves and nurtures us. I just wished Shannon – and Starquineshia – had figured that out sooner.

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Category(s): Diary of a Mad Black Lesbian
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Aug 23 2011Blessings

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I read a blog this morning that reminded me of the blessings in my life. What I’m truly grateful for is everything, from the close relationships with my family to even the hassles at work. I know eventually those headaches will lead me to the path I’m meant for. And with me along the way, there’s that special someone in my corner. That is also a beautiful blessing.

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Category(s): All About Me, Divaisms, Spiritual, but Not Very Religious
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Aug 14 2011Love…

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I’ve been blessed when it comes to relationships – whether because they simply existed or because they finally ended. Every experience teaches you something.

I’ve far from mastered this thing called love. I can only tell you what I’ve learned so far.

Love….

Love… Is reciprocal. Do your best to take care of me, I will do the same for you. That means everything from respect to affection to security. Love should be based on trust, and I have to feel secure in your love for me to give you everything and more. It’s a Capricorn thing, what can I say.

Love… Is not a power struggle, and not about roles. Who’s right, who’s wrong, who runs things, who has the upper hand. Femmes vs. Studs. None of those things mean a damn thing. Being hard or playing games to prove your studhood, or trying to use the femme upper hand in a relationship is not where it’s at. When I’m weak, I need you to be my strength, and vice versa. I’m not afraid to show you that, and you shouldn’t be either.

Love… Shouldn’t be harsh. Truth means tact. Remember that. Calling your woman out her name – don’t even.

Love… Isn’t love if my heart isn’t in it. One song, R. Kelly’s “When a Woman’s Fed Up,” rings so true when it comes to a female’s heart. A woman will endure a lot when she’s in love, but there’s always a breaking point. When she hits this level, there’s nothing short of a miracle that can make her –  femme or stud – get that love back. Once the bloom is off the rose, what more can be said? That’s why you should never take her for granted.

Love… Should mean my lover is my best friend. You laugh, you share, you make love – but on a deeper level, it should be built on a foundation of genuinely liking the person you’re with. How can you share intimacy with a woman that you wouldn’t be friends with outside of the relationship? If you wouldn’t, that’s a problem.

Love… Should last longer than the honeymoon. Here’s where love gets tricky. In the beginning, two people always put their best faces forward. Flaws may surface, but we’re blinded by the admissions of love, the spontaneous gestures, and the orgasmic sex that allow us fall deeper. This passion should continue after those sweet nothings become fewer, after you see her in the same undies over and over or she knows you drool on the pillow, after bills and work play a bigger role in your day to day lives. Which leads to my next point…

Love… Is craving her. If you’ve watched Kissing Jessica Stein, one of my favorite movies, there’s a pivotal scene where Jessica and Helen are breaking up while Helen packs her stuff.

Helen: I wanna be with someone who wants me.

Jessica, crying: I want you.

Helen: I wanna be with someone who craves me.

Jessica: Well, I crave you.

Helen: I want to be with someone who wants to rip my clothes off.

I must admit, there are going to be times when the clothes-ripping isn’t necessary, but I want someone who sees the sexiness in me, along with all my other good (and bad) qualities, of course. In other words, it’s the zsa zsa zsu, what Carrie Bradshaw refers to as “that butterflies in your stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person but you gotta have them.” Theoretically, when you’re with the person you feel is truly meant for you, that feeling should be there, even if it fades over time. Lust built on love is the best feeling.

Love… Is between two people. What goes on between two women is nobody’s business. Though Twitter or Facebook statuses permit you to see what is said between a “happy” or “dramatic” couple, it only paints a diminutive picture of their relationship. What someone says about their significant other is just as important as what she doesn’t say.

Love… Means making you and me happy. While I believe in sacrifice and unconditional love, one can’t compromise her own happiness to make her significant other happy. No one wins in that situation. The things I do for you are because I love you, but also give me some fulfillment. It doesn’t mean that I have to totally change myself to be with you.

Love… Is responsibility. Taking care of another person’s heart is a huge task. Ensuring that you have a future together is also a ginormous job. Be sure the one you’re with is worth this undertaking.

Love… Should always involve humor. What is love without laughs? Boring as hell.

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Category(s): Ain't Love Grand...or Love Ain't Shit!, All About Me
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Nov 26 2010Divalicious Divas: White Girl Edition

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I can’t say that I’ve been attracted to many white women. Nothing against  fairer-skinned women, but I prefer the mocha, caramel, and burnt sienna hues of my fellow sistahs. However, these ladies have made it on my Divalicious Divas list, and can either get it or could hang out with me.

Christina Aguilera. Recently separated, the songbird is now free to be with anyone (or woman) she chooses. And I kinda like that she’s acquiring more “curves,” ones that were made much ado about at last Sunday’s American Music Awards.

Joss Stone. The voice alone qualifies her for this Divalicious Divas distinction, but it doesn’t hurt that she’s gorgeous, intelligent and strong-willed. Serenade me with Spoiled anytime.

I.love.Diane.Keaton. Her talent, her quirkiness, her ability to wear a tie and look good. Put her in any movie and you’re guaranteed to get me there. I’ve been digging her since The First Wives Club, and fell in love with her watching Something’s Gotta Give. Olderwomansexy.

Jane Lynch is also on my radar. I’m more attracted to The L Word version of Jane than the Sue Sylvester caricature seen on Glee.

Be my Giada De Laurentiis at Home, why don’t you?

Asshole though she is, Whitney from The Real L Word is somewhat hot to me, but she would be worth a drunken romp only.

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Category(s): Deepdiva's Divalicious Divas of the Moment
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Nov 05 2010(The idea of) perfection

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(The idea of) perfection will be my downfall.

As much as my head realizes life isn’t perfect,tell that to my heart. I don’t like to show the hurts, the flaws that come with love. Therefore this post has been in my head for while and not on this blog,an outletI’ve been neglecting.

Lebron and I are far from perfect. In fact, there are issues we’re both know are there. We’ve been glaring at them for months. We talk, and try, and still have the best time together. The love is still there.

But in my heart, things have changed. I don’t know what will happen. And I hate to admit that, because the looming feelingof failure (Lord, I hated evento type that word) creeps in.

I remember the days of our blossoming friendship years ago, hours spent on the phone and Yahoo messenger, feeling like I’d known this person all my life. We stayed connectedthrough other relationships, distance and time. When we were finally at the place where we could be together, it was on. I felt like I’d finally found the romance that was based on a long andloyal affection.

Now I wish we could go back to those days, when all we did was laugh endlessly. We would talk about something serious -about friends, family, our feelings -and then joke, “Okay, let’s talk about rainbows and kitties now.” (You had to be there.)

We’re older though, and the friend is now my lover. She’s still my best friend, butthose rainbows and kitties can’t save us. The only thing that save us is ourselves. Coming to terms of whether we should fight or let it go.

And in the meantime, I have to figure out what’s best for me.

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Category(s): Ain't Love Grand...or Love Ain't Shit!, All About Me
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May 01 2010Loving Christina Aguilera’s Not Myself Tonight

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One of my favorite artists, Christina Aguilera has topped her usual naughtyness! I’m so digging this video. ”Not Myself Tonight,” from her upcoming June 4 album, Bionic, is a visual raunch-fest featuring that gorgeous voice.

Worth me coming out of blogger hibernation for. Enjoy!

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Category(s): Music & Movies
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Jan 08 2010Back in 2010

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Happy_New_Year_2010

It’s bittersweet to be back.

In the year since my last post, I missed blogging, and the many drafts I began – then abandoned – are my proof. There would be times when I had a thought I’d want to share, and somewhere between work and home, the motivation would be lost (one of the reasons I long for an office with unrestrictive Internet usage). But I’m back, and hopefully for a long while.

The reason I say being back is bittersweet is that a lot transpired  in 2009. Family issues took some of my inspiration to write, and I felt as if my mojo had dried up.

While I lost my grandmother in August, the most significant event was the death of my father. I hurts just to put into words how this tragedy has affected me, especially since it’s still fresh. This is the first time I’ve been able to write about it, even to myself, to get those feelings down. He was sick, but we never expected him to go so soon. In the past few months, he was in and out of the hospital, and it was difficult to see the man who had always been my hero become helpless to the cancer taking over his body. To erase those negative images are the memories of him teasing me mercilessly and our long talks at the kitchen table just me and him talking about life. Even now there are times I’ll think about something funny he said (my father loved to make people laugh), or remember his smile, and the tears begin to flow. I cry as I write this now, but every day it’s been getting better – or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Thankfully, with a loving family and my girlfriend, Lebron, I do have a support system. I’ve laid in her arms and shed tear after tear, happy I have her in my corner. Was everything perfect between us in 2009? Not by any means, but we’re still together after three years. I still feel attraction, in love, and like she’s my best friend, yet I know we’re at a crossroad. Three years is a long time, and I ain’t getting any younger. (In fact, shhh, I have a birthday coming up.) As everyone keeps pointing out, to my chagrin, I’m in my 30s with no kids on the horizon; and as I always say, I’m not married yet. I’m not in a rush, because things happen when they’re supposed to.

Last year also proved that my daily grind of a job is makes me wish I was doing something that truly made me happy, as well as paid the bills. The thing that makes me happy: reviewing books. That’s why I run Sistahs on the Shelf. I’m embarking on another adventure in reviewing, and hoping to have it up and running by summer. I’ll post more about it later.

Because I’m back. Sadder, wiser, but full of hope for 2010.

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Category(s): All About Me, The Family Files
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